Interviewer: Why don't you give us a quick introduction of who you are and what you're about.
Rod: My name is Rod, and I like to party.
Interviewer: That seems to cover everything very simply. What types of things are you involved in?
Rod: I don't know how to put this, but, I'm kind of a big deal.
Interviewer: Really?
Rod: People know me.
Interviewer: What are you best known for?
Rod: I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.
Interviewer: That is extremely violent. Was this while you were young?
Rod: I had bad skin, low self-esteem, and no self-respect. Now, I eat success for breakfast with skim milk.
Interviewer: Skim milk? How does skim milk help you be successful?
Rod: How exactly is a rainbow made? How exactly does a sun set? How exactly does a posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work? It just does.
Interviewer: Interesting analogy. Let's get back to your success in life. What advice would you have for young people today?
Rod: Don't put Twinkies on your pizza.
Interviewer: I guess I'm confused on how that would help anybody do anything.
Rod: White water in the mornin'. That's it.
[puzzled look from interviewer]
Rod: Be careful what you wish for. Be careful what you wish for!
Interviewer: That's more like it. Some real advice.
Rod: If you ain't first, you're last.
Interviewer: That doesn't make any sense. You could be second, third, fourth, you can even be fifth!
Rod: Did I ever tell you about the time I invented snowboarding? Yeah, I don't want credit for it, but they keep on giving it to me.
Interviewer: I hardly believe you invented snowboarding.
Rod: First things first, okay? You're welcome.
Interviewer: You think this is funny? This isn't funny. I take this serious! Real serious! I put my heart and soul into this every single week! I'm telling you right now what I do every single week! I don't go out there and laugh. It's not funny! Nothing's funny to me! I don't want to go out there and get embarrassed in front of everybody! I'm done.